$355 Eyelashes

Yesterday I was stuck in a caravan of cars heading north, all held back by the dreaded tourist who was out on a "Sunday Drive." When we got to the place where the road widens with the addition of a passing lane, I joined the crowd to pass Mr. & Mrs. 45MPH. Suddenly the blue minivan ahead of me slowed down urgently. His bright break lights caused me to do the same. What is going on? It did not make sense until I saw a Highway patrol car sitting on the shoulder of the road. Most of the cars in the passing lane merged into the slow lane. Not I. Why should I? I was not speeding. I was just working up to 55 MPH. I forged ahead! Then it happened. The red and blue lights starting twirling and the cop took to the road, came up behind me and signaled me over. What on Earth?

I watched as the cowboy approached me from behind. I was ready with my proof of insurance, car registration, and driver's licence in hand. The offence: tailgating! Can you believe that? His newly acquired laser gadget developed for this purpose showed that I was too close to the blue minivan. I felt like saying, "No dah, he slammed on his brakes when he saw you, the chicken shit," but I kept quiet. I played the dumb old lady card that had no clue what he was taking about. He asked if I knew the length of my car to which I responded with fumbling action to measure the interior of my car with my hands. I removed my sunglasses to show my desperate attempt to work out an answer to his question while batting my eyelashes furiously in frustration. He obviously thought that I have no sense of length. I figured I might as well try to milk his perception of me. It worked. He gave me a warning and a little brochure to read. Did you know that the cost of a tailgating ticket is $355.00? WOW. I'm glad he let me off because I did not deserve a ticket. I was not THAT close to the blue minivan despite the fact that he slammed on his breaks.

I think John is jelous of my free ride. Lately his charm has not been working for him like it used to. I guess all good things must come to an end Johnny boy. It's my turn now.